Having the down sort of day where I wonder why I bother. Why bother trying to have friends, when, in my experience, as soon as you get close, as soon as you trust, they decide "oh, sorry, we can't be friends anymore," or something happens and you drift apart. With Facebook and other websites doing such a "good" job of connecting people, it's not like you can sever ties as easily as you once could... Instead of the feuding parties accidentally getting invited to the same party, you get them commenting on the same status, or photo, or whatever. "Oh, wait, maybe I should take down all these photos and erase that person from my online life completely."
As if I can do that. Yes, you were my best friend for more than 10 years; let me pretend that connection never existed. Or you, we were hardly friends for what, a year, before you got rid of me, or your boyfriend did, or whatever; I wear other-than-white socks now, because you made me notice, and think they were cute, and that maybe I could/should wear them, too.
Maybe I should do a pre-emptive strike, and cut all my strings first. Ditch Facebook, delete the blog, stop doing anything remotely friendly.
Some days the risks of friends outweigh the rewards.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Advice
I'm never sure how to help people who are looking for advice, particularly because I can't always tell if people want help or simply want to talk about their lives and know if someone's listening. The last person I seriously tried to advise about anything isn't speaking to me anymore; whether directly because of my advice or not, I'm not sure, but it can't be good.
The weather's getting increasingly fall-like here, finally. Still hit 85 today, but 85 is better than 95, so I'll take what I can get.
I'm looking forward to Jeff having a birthday party (his b-day's a month from today) and to Thanksgiving. I've really been missing my husband's family lately.
An old man was across the street (visiting our blind across-the-street neighbor, I assume). He didn't seem to believe me when I told him that I own the house now. The blind (well, he's "legally blind," so I guess he can see a little) man who lives in the house thought that some Hispanic family, including a woman who works "at that big drugstore out there... [he pointed north]" lived here. I'm fairly sure no one who's ever at our house fits that description. Just an interesting encounter. I found it amusing that the man didn't believe me when I told him I own the place. Believe me, there are days I want to give it back to the Rodriguez family, trust me...like the day I dropped $90 on baseboards and trim. That's no fun at all.
But it's MY crackhouse. And that's something.
The weather's getting increasingly fall-like here, finally. Still hit 85 today, but 85 is better than 95, so I'll take what I can get.
I'm looking forward to Jeff having a birthday party (his b-day's a month from today) and to Thanksgiving. I've really been missing my husband's family lately.
An old man was across the street (visiting our blind across-the-street neighbor, I assume). He didn't seem to believe me when I told him that I own the house now. The blind (well, he's "legally blind," so I guess he can see a little) man who lives in the house thought that some Hispanic family, including a woman who works "at that big drugstore out there... [he pointed north]" lived here. I'm fairly sure no one who's ever at our house fits that description. Just an interesting encounter. I found it amusing that the man didn't believe me when I told him I own the place. Believe me, there are days I want to give it back to the Rodriguez family, trust me...like the day I dropped $90 on baseboards and trim. That's no fun at all.
But it's MY crackhouse. And that's something.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Calm yourself
Much relief came today upon finding out that Jeff won't need any kind of oral surgery after all. His home-remedy of taking a scalpel to his own jaw seems to have cleared up the problem he was having, so now he's back on track to get as many cavities filled as our insurance will pay for this year.
I was supposed to take a test tomorrow for a position as a public safety dispatcher for the local police department. As much as I'd love a new job (and the slight pay raise that goes with this position), I've decided to forgo this particular opportunity. Given my history with anxiety and general panic-y-ness, I didn't think a stress-filled position like this one would be a particularly good environment.
On a side note... sometimes family creates much more stress than it's worth. I'm so fortunate to have great in-laws like my mother-in-law, Cindy; my sister-in-law, Janet; and both of Jeff's grandparents (alright, alright, and his dad, too. LOL). That's all I'll say on that topic for the time being.
I was supposed to take a test tomorrow for a position as a public safety dispatcher for the local police department. As much as I'd love a new job (and the slight pay raise that goes with this position), I've decided to forgo this particular opportunity. Given my history with anxiety and general panic-y-ness, I didn't think a stress-filled position like this one would be a particularly good environment.
On a side note... sometimes family creates much more stress than it's worth. I'm so fortunate to have great in-laws like my mother-in-law, Cindy; my sister-in-law, Janet; and both of Jeff's grandparents (alright, alright, and his dad, too. LOL). That's all I'll say on that topic for the time being.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Painting
I'm an epic failure at home improvement.
Though I suppose, if nothing else, I'm good at swiping my credit card at various home improvement stores (Home Depot today, though usually Lowe's) so that Jeff can continue working on all of our projects.
I'm a much better supervisor. He's currently putting primer on the walls of my office. I can't wait until it's done. I look forward to having a COMFORTABLE place to go to play WoW or read or do whatever.
Other than that, a mostly-lazy weekend. Yesterday I planted flower bulbs. I hate that I did all that work, and there's nothing to show for it but some empty plastic wrappers - but as they say, good things come to those who wait, right? I look forward to having a circle of daffodils surrounding our baby Japanese maple, and for the Monet's tulip collection (pretty shades of white, purple and pink!) blooming under the neighbor's stupid grapefruit tree.
There was family drama this morning. Things I thought had kind of gone away. Sigh.
Guess I'm pretty disjointed today. A little blue. Looking forward to seeing progress, though.
Though I suppose, if nothing else, I'm good at swiping my credit card at various home improvement stores (Home Depot today, though usually Lowe's) so that Jeff can continue working on all of our projects.
I'm a much better supervisor. He's currently putting primer on the walls of my office. I can't wait until it's done. I look forward to having a COMFORTABLE place to go to play WoW or read or do whatever.
Other than that, a mostly-lazy weekend. Yesterday I planted flower bulbs. I hate that I did all that work, and there's nothing to show for it but some empty plastic wrappers - but as they say, good things come to those who wait, right? I look forward to having a circle of daffodils surrounding our baby Japanese maple, and for the Monet's tulip collection (pretty shades of white, purple and pink!) blooming under the neighbor's stupid grapefruit tree.
There was family drama this morning. Things I thought had kind of gone away. Sigh.
Guess I'm pretty disjointed today. A little blue. Looking forward to seeing progress, though.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Curtains
Tonight I picked Dianna up from work, we grabbed some pizza, and came back to my house where she and I entertained the kittens while Lynn started working (so graciously, oh my gosh, seriously, I can't thank her enough) on the curtains for my office! I'm so excited - there will be enough left over for matching pillows. I wish I had a sewing machine. Maybe someday, as it isn't in the money-cards right now.
Because we had company over, my cats are completely cracked-out hyper. Running all around, nibbling, clawing, who knows. Lunatics. Good news, though - I spent three and a half hours around them and hardly got kitty-sick at all. I've got a wee bit of a sniffly nose, and my right eye itched (it's always the right one!) for a little while, but other than that I've been really good. That's such a great sign!
Work was not so great today. Yesterday I did a whole heap of work to help another employee - not really to help her out, but mostly to help her out the door, ifyouknowwhatImean. She had a heap of filing to do, and I got it all in order for her, so all she had to do was go take it to the filing cabinets, and get 'er done. Does she do that? No. I don't know why I actually expected her to suddenly turn into a competent employee. Instead, she filed maybe 1/5 of the paperwork, then spent the remaining FOUR HOURS of her day making new folders, which shouldn't have taken her more than half an hour, tops.
I guess sometimes I just need to set the bar lower.
Did I mention that I have a job interview in a few weeks? Sigh.
Because we had company over, my cats are completely cracked-out hyper. Running all around, nibbling, clawing, who knows. Lunatics. Good news, though - I spent three and a half hours around them and hardly got kitty-sick at all. I've got a wee bit of a sniffly nose, and my right eye itched (it's always the right one!) for a little while, but other than that I've been really good. That's such a great sign!
Work was not so great today. Yesterday I did a whole heap of work to help another employee - not really to help her out, but mostly to help her out the door, ifyouknowwhatImean. She had a heap of filing to do, and I got it all in order for her, so all she had to do was go take it to the filing cabinets, and get 'er done. Does she do that? No. I don't know why I actually expected her to suddenly turn into a competent employee. Instead, she filed maybe 1/5 of the paperwork, then spent the remaining FOUR HOURS of her day making new folders, which shouldn't have taken her more than half an hour, tops.
I guess sometimes I just need to set the bar lower.
Did I mention that I have a job interview in a few weeks? Sigh.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Dehydrated
Apparently I've been so dehydrated lately that my scalp has just itched non-stop. Pretty gross. A good metaphor though.
Got some good news on the job front - not that I "need" a new job, as I'm well paid at the one I've got, but after more than six years, it's time to move on. Anyway, a few months ago I applied for two positions with the city. Last week I took the test for a job as "Police Records Clerk" with the local police department. I needed a 70 to pass the exam; I scored a 93.6! Hooray! The top 20 scorers out of probably 80 or 100 test-takers get an interview, then they select the top candidates for a background check. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Next week I test for the "public safety dispatcher" position they're hiring for. I'm not as hopeful for that position - not because I don't think I'd do well on the tests or be unable to otherwise qualify, but I have a feeling it would aggravate my anxiety.
What else is going on? Hm. Girls' night in with Dianna on Friday! Hooray! That'll be fun. Any movie suggestions, readers? I haven't seen most movies ever - I lack the attention span. I much prefer TV shows, my favorites being House, Bones... mostly those two, lol. I watched The Office for a long time, but now that Jim and Pam are together, I seem to have lost interest. My favorite movie is probably Garden State - I love the soundtrack, and think Zack Braff is absolutely adorable. It might be time to rewatch that one soon, it's been a while.
(yay for being in a pretty good mood, huh!?)
Got some good news on the job front - not that I "need" a new job, as I'm well paid at the one I've got, but after more than six years, it's time to move on. Anyway, a few months ago I applied for two positions with the city. Last week I took the test for a job as "Police Records Clerk" with the local police department. I needed a 70 to pass the exam; I scored a 93.6! Hooray! The top 20 scorers out of probably 80 or 100 test-takers get an interview, then they select the top candidates for a background check. Keep your fingers crossed for me! Next week I test for the "public safety dispatcher" position they're hiring for. I'm not as hopeful for that position - not because I don't think I'd do well on the tests or be unable to otherwise qualify, but I have a feeling it would aggravate my anxiety.
What else is going on? Hm. Girls' night in with Dianna on Friday! Hooray! That'll be fun. Any movie suggestions, readers? I haven't seen most movies ever - I lack the attention span. I much prefer TV shows, my favorites being House, Bones... mostly those two, lol. I watched The Office for a long time, but now that Jim and Pam are together, I seem to have lost interest. My favorite movie is probably Garden State - I love the soundtrack, and think Zack Braff is absolutely adorable. It might be time to rewatch that one soon, it's been a while.
(yay for being in a pretty good mood, huh!?)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
I've lost track of what meme day it is.
I must be really bad at this, if I can't count. Hah. I'm either supposed to put in a photo of the last thing I bought (groceries, not exciting at all) or of my favorite place to eat, which I don't have a photo of. Sorry.
I love my kittens. Just putting that in there. I was worried that I wouldn't, or that they wouldn't love me, but Molly's pretty much a whore who will sit on everyone (except maybe Alex), and Wrench won't really sit on anyone (except maybe Alex).
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, and seeing Memaw and Bapaw (Jeff's grandparents) and then having orphan Thanksgiving with the leftovers. I'm reading the book Urban Tribes: Are Friends the New Family?. I've really enjoyed it thus far, as I feel like it's legitimized the way I live (or at least am trying to be)- far from my family, but with a handful of close friends. Having friends has always been a struggle, but I've got some great ones now (whether close by like Dianna or far like Renee!), and am slowly getting used to the fact that they aren't going to just ditch me.
It's time to hang out with the kittens, I think.
Yes.
I love my kittens. Just putting that in there. I was worried that I wouldn't, or that they wouldn't love me, but Molly's pretty much a whore who will sit on everyone (except maybe Alex), and Wrench won't really sit on anyone (except maybe Alex).
I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, and seeing Memaw and Bapaw (Jeff's grandparents) and then having orphan Thanksgiving with the leftovers. I'm reading the book Urban Tribes: Are Friends the New Family?. I've really enjoyed it thus far, as I feel like it's legitimized the way I live (or at least am trying to be)- far from my family, but with a handful of close friends. Having friends has always been a struggle, but I've got some great ones now (whether close by like Dianna or far like Renee!), and am slowly getting used to the fact that they aren't going to just ditch me.
It's time to hang out with the kittens, I think.
Yes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)