Worrying a little early

Last night, rather than just fall asleep, my brain felt it necessary to worry.

Specifically, to worry about the possibility of a long-distance move.

A long-distance move that won't (can't!) happen until at least mid-2013.

Apparently I felt the need to worry two years in advance about something that may not happen. Something I haven't done before, something I don't know how to do. I worried that we wouldn't be able to sell the house because we wouldn't have it finished yet (ever tried to sell a house with no grass?). Worried that we'd lose the kittens. Worried that we would have to sell all our furniture in order to move. Worried that I'd have to stay behind while Jeff moved (in my head, we were moving to Texas), leaving him to pick out an apartment. Worried about what we'd do with the furniture we wouldn't have room for in said apartment. Worried that we'd lose all kinds of money when we sold everything instead of taking it with us.

It's a wonder I'm not covered in gray by now.

Stress

I'm so stressed out that I've gone back to waking up every morning with a stomach ache that spawns every time I realize I have to go to work.

If only I didn't have to go. Oh, wait, if I didn't do that, then I couldn't give all my money to my husband so he can pursue his dreams.

Too bad I don't have dreams of my own.

Oh, money

Anyone know how to make money fall from teh sky?

No, really?

Apparently Jeff's much closer to starting graduate school that I had financially budgeted for - as in, this August, instead of August, 2012. That means I likely have to come up with a semester of tuition out of nowhere, while somehow also paying to get the kitchen floor laid in the next week, car insurance is due soon, etc. etc.

Sigh. Hopefully his meeting with the financial aid office goes well.

Meanwhile, I've accomplished something on my February to-do list - getting caught up with my side job. I can't actually finish the work he gave me, because it doesn't make any sense, the way he did things last year, so I'll get paid for that soon, and put that toward the "get Jeff into school" fund. Or maybe the "buy lots of alcohol so I can get through getting Jeff into school" fund. Jury's still out.

Laundry update!

Jeff successfully laundered our clothes - and even moved my dresser into our bedroom...

So after a year of getting my "delicates" (his word, not mine, LOL!) out of a plastic Old Navy bag every day, now I can get them out of a drawer, like a real, civilized person.

This is very exciting. :) Jeff doing the laundry, though? Cute. He hung up my clothes until he ran out of hangers, which he ran out of relatively quickly since he was hanging up all the tank tops that I wear underneath my shirts to work so that I don't freeze. Adorable! hahaha. I love my panda!

Laundry

My husband's a smart guy; I wouldn't have married him otherwise! He's got a degree, he's put half our house back together, learning things he didn't know in order to do so...

But today I had to give him written instructions on how to do our laundry.

We don't yet have a washer/dryer installed in our house - right now there's a big ol' red tool chest where the stackable machine I bought from a co-worker will go - so we've been going to the laundromat every two weeks to get 'er done.

And by "we," I mean me. I'm fed up!

Today, it's his turn.

We'll see how it goes.

Babies

Maybe it's my age, maybe it's seeing Jeff interact with kids. I don't know.

I want a baby.

Not desperately, in a way where I'm going to sabotage our condoms or something like that... but I want a kid. I'm not sure how great I'll do at it, but I KNOW Jeff will be a good dad. He's amazing with his niece, with the kids he works with. They all like him. Strangers' babies stare at him whenever we're out (this must mean something, right?).

So we've set a date. With a few caveats (like, I don't know, that he has paying work), we're going to start trying on his birthday, November 19, of next year.

Oh man.

182

Not including anything my husband has purchased, I have 182 books that I own and have yet to read.

My goal for next year: 60.

We'll see how it goes. Included in that 60, though, will be re-reading the first George R.R. Martin book before the HBO show starts (which I cannot WAIT for, it looks AMAZING).

I've been working on a patchwork quilt. Looking forward to seeing how it turns out. Jeff got me 365 Foundation Quilt Blocks, by Linda Causee, for Christmas. I'd taken it out of the library, so now I can return it because he got me a nice new copy. :D What a great guy.

I live with an idiot

Okay, maybe not an idiot, exactly... maybe just a moron?

Apparently Jeff didn't realize that my top priority for him, now that he's finished his BA and the student-loan-repayment-time-clock is ticking, is getting a job. I found some great positions for him to apply for - including a position similar to his current "job" (if 6 hours/week counts) working with kids who have autism that pays $18/hour - unheard  of in this town! - and he DIDN'T jump right on that? I'm sorry, if I thought I were even vaguely qualified I'D have sent my resume in ASAP.

Sigh. Yes, I really must be Supergirl, since I have to do everything on my own...

But at least our basement is starting to look nice?

Goals

This is when we're supposed to set goals for the next year, right? Well...

(italicized items have been completed!) 
 
Okay.

-Read a book a week, all year. If I do that, I'll be "caught up" with my to-be-read pile by the end of 2012, just in time for the world to end.

-Work on the house
    -Finish painting doors in office, install office ceiling fan, and figure out switch in office. Paint closet, possibly install closet organizer
    -Finish hallway at the end of the kitchen (joint compounding, painting, baseboards, chair rail, new doors, door trim)
    -Get kitchen floor tiled - was quoted $400 for labor, not including materials, by a coworker of mine, which definitely seems reasonable, given all the angles around our cabinets
    -Complete random tasks like switching outlets and outlet covers, as necessary
    -Hopefully remodel the bedroom, including tearing out old carpet/laying new carpet, new window, maybe replacing the sliding glass door with a bigger window and filling in the rest (aforementioned coworker says it's definitely doable), smoothing out walls, painting, figuring out better solution for basement entrance, installing ceiling fan, redoing closet arrangement
    -Roll out insulation in attic and put down plywood so it can properly be used as storage.

-Make sure Jeff gets a job so we can complete all "work on the house" tasks.

-Working out - oh, a love-hate relationship here. Three times a week? Who knows. We'll see how that goes.

-Set up an Etsy.com shop - why not, maybe it'll pay for my newfound love of sewing. If not, then I'll jsut have a shitton of purses to give away, huh?

That's all I've got for now. Now, to find motivation... anyone up for helping? LOL.

The House, part one: Homebuying

We’ve come close to completing a room in our house just for me. An office. Gray walls, with girly purple and tropical blue-green trim, black switch covers, brushed nickel accessories. A huge window behind my computer monitor, a whole wall full of bookshelves. Soon there will be a futon, for guests, or for me for reading with a kitten in my lap. Custom made curtains, sewed together by a teacher and friend (and eventually, hopefully, matching throw pillows, just because Jeff hates them). 

Having reached this milestone, I’m looking back on where this poor house was when we started. 

The first time I came here, you could barely see it. The front yard was fenced in by a chain-link fence covered in ivy. The driveway was home to two falling-apart cars (one a Pontiac, the other a Saturn, for what it’s worth). The patio was covered – couches, a dryer, a dining room table. The yard, littered with the debris of humanity – a tile saw, a washing machine, children’s toys, a lumber rack for a pick-up truck. The garage, stuffed full, of recyclables and garbage and outgrown items. Even inside, one could barely see. The first visit with Alisha, my amazingly patient real estate agent, we ducked through the rooms, uncomfortable while we were clearly intruding upon a family gathering – mama, papa, tres ninos, una tia, la abuela, sitting around the television, dwarfed by an enormous entertainment center. This family, renting from their extended family, from some cousins, supposedly. Rooms, stuffed to the brim, walls covered (with family photographs, prints of portraits of saints), floors covered in clothes. It was an awkward visit to say the least.

I said I’d take it. 

We couldn’t afford any other house on the market; this one was cheap, having been on the market for almost a year and having dropped in price by $80,000 to the measly price of only $110,000 (it’s public record, it’s not like you couldn’t find out if you wanted to). 

My second visit there was for the home inspection. I pitied the guy, having to “inspect” the house while it was occupied, still full of family. I watched the mother of the family walk outside to find dirty dishes in a dishpan on that table on the porch, only to bring them inside, wash them in the crowded sink (in the middle of the counter, also covered with dirty dishes), to feed her children out of them. Signing important paperwork on the family’s dining room table, sticky with sugar, the residue of children. Speaking in hushed tones, discussing the house’s regrettable condition, hoping not to offend la familia.

The house was so crowded that the home inspector found the house to have three bedrooms, one and a half bathrooms, little else of note.

When the family moved out (initially leaving behind all the debris in the yard), we found that the house actually has two full bathrooms – and even a basement – the entry for which had been covered with furniture, or clothes, or something, so the home inspector didn’t see that it was there. 

The buying process was a nightmare. I don’t think it could have gone any worse. We had to apply for an FHA loan, so more inspections were required – all of which the house failed, of course. It needed outlet covers to hide exposed wires, the whole garage was considered “unappraisable.” The roof needed a special inspection; at one point, rather than replace the old roof, they simply added a new one on top of the old one. Eventually the new roof settled, so the upper roof doesn’t sit in a straight line, creating worries that the roof sagged. As it turned out, this was a good thing, in a way; the contractor decided that, if anything, we had TOO MUCH roof for our little house. 

The owners themselves were another story. The husband, in prison, for selling cocaine and illegal weapons possession. The wife, unable to speak English, unable to read or write even in Spanish, her native language, signed her name as “ + “, so she couldn’t be the only signer; a power of attorney was required, necessitating another visit by the notary. It would have been easier had he been in jail; notaries can go into jails, easily, but prisons are another story. Add to that, the prison was an hour or two away, and it’s more complicated still. For what it’s worth, he’s out on parole now, released the day after escrow closed, with a list of conditions a mile long. 

Of course the loan process couldn’t be easy, either. Despite claims that my loan officer was really, really good, I felt like I had to do half the work – I was supposed to verify that an account was closed (even though I had already done that). I had to verify several large deposits into my account (aka, one time financial aid deposits that I had already provided documentation for). Hell, I had to call one of Jeff’s former employers – from before he even moved to Chico! – to get them to call her to verify his employment. Sorry, Dr. Traver, but I did that in the middle of your Victorian Lit class one day. 

Close of escrow was shoved back time after time, for one thing or another. Loan issues, inability to get signatures because of language barriers, agreed-upon repairs delayed because of contractor issues. Said contractor added all the necessary outlet covers…except one… so an extra trip by the bank’s appraiser was required. Ultimately, we moved in, prior to close of escrow , after we convinced the loan officer with yelling, crying, and threatening to move all my business away from the bank, that we were going to be homeless if we didn’t move… we finally did. 

I regretted it for maybe the first six months.

More to come. 

Calm yourself

Much relief came today upon finding out that Jeff won't need any kind of oral surgery after all. His home-remedy of taking a scalpel to his own jaw seems to have cleared up the problem he was having, so now he's back on track to get as many cavities filled as our insurance will pay for this year.

I was supposed to take a test tomorrow for a position as a public safety dispatcher for the local police department. As much as I'd love a new job (and the slight pay raise that goes with this position), I've decided to forgo this particular opportunity. Given my history with anxiety and general panic-y-ness, I didn't think a stress-filled position like this one would be a particularly good environment.

On a side note... sometimes family creates much more stress than it's worth. I'm so fortunate to have great in-laws like my mother-in-law, Cindy; my sister-in-law, Janet; and both of Jeff's grandparents (alright, alright, and his dad, too. LOL). That's all I'll say on that topic for the time being.

Caught!

I got my husband to admit that the bone chip that was plaguing his gums did not just fall out on its own.

He used the scalpel from his dissection kit to score the bone chip, then tweezers to pull it off. He said it hurt immensely, and then nothing.

Sigh. I love him, but he makes me so angry! (Insert Desi-Arnaz-type "LUCY!" here!).

Monday opened with a trip to the DMV - yuck! An extra $31 for my registration because they didn't cash the check soon enough - I swear (no, really!) that it was post-marked in time. Next year, check goes straight to the DMV.

The meme I'm supposed to be doing asks for a song that fits my mood lately. I haven't been able to get Miranda Lambert's "The House that Built Me" outta my head for ages now. Since I'm in the process of remodeling a house with my husband, and haven't always had the best relationship with my folks... yeah. Here's a link to it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96-P6eUjHXE

Have a great Monday. :)

Day 6: Pet?

My husband and I got married here in Chico, CA; since I'm from Pennsylvania, this meant that not all of my family could come out for the wedding. We decided to honeymoon on the east coast so that everyone could meet him.

Because we love going to zoos and aquariums and stuff, we went to both the Philadelphia Zoo and the National Zoo in Washington, DC. The National Zoo still had a bunch of pandas from China. While we were at the exhibit, we ran into a British family. The daughter kept saying, in an adorable little-British-girl voice, "Mummy, I want a panda!"

Thus the panda is my choice for "Animal I'd like to keep as a pet." Because that girl was adorable, and we still use her voice around the house occasionally.

Other, more relevant news: Jeff may not have to have oral surgery? The bit of bone that was sticking out above his gums is no longer sticking out above them, mostly because it's no longer in his mouth at all. While he claims innocence, I imagine that he was wrenching around in there with pliers or a chisel or something and got it out. Long story short, he says he feels much like the lion after the mouse removes the thorn from its paw: tiny sliver removed = immense relief. Further, his gums now close over bit of jaw bone that was sticking out. He's going to finish his course of antibiotics and then head back to the oral surgeon to (hopefully, fingers crossed) get out of having to have surgery at all.

Sigh of relief

Jeff's "surgery" won't be as dramatic (by that I mean costly) as originally thought. The oral surgeon's office called him back today and said that it shouldn't be more than $350 after our insurance covers their part. Unfortunately, it's likely he won't be able to get any additional work done (he's got a bunch of cavities to be filled) until next year, but I'd much rather have it this way than an enormous amount out-of-pocket.

Of course... on top of this news yesterday, we also find out that he owes an additional $360 in tuition to Chico State because, well, California can't be bothered to pass a budget, and everyone knows college students are made of money, right?

Today's meme assignment was to add my favorite photo of my best friend. So...there's a picture of me and Jeff on our wedding day, June 13, 2009. <3

Sorry...

for not following the meme. It's been a busy 24 hours.

Last night we had our friends Alex and Dianna over to watch House. I had gathered a gift for Dianna - a bunch of leftover/scrap fabric - from some people on The Internet (okay, really it was Freecycle.com - which I recommend you join if there's one in your area) and was excited to present it to her (by present I really mean plop in her lap and say "PRESENT!"). Because I was excited, I didn't spend any time in my office, which is currently acting as a sort of "clean room" for me to go into to avoid being around the kitties for a while.

I ended up a blind, allergic mess for about an hour last night. What I'd have done without Jeff, I don't know (besides not have the kittens and thus not have had the problem in the first place. You know what I meant). I alternated between sobbing "I don't wanna get rid of the kitties" and "I can't be sick anymore" and "I can't abandon them like everyone abandons meeeeeeeeeee." Meltdown of the highest order. Thankfully I was able to shower and be cuddled long enough to (eventually) see again.

Today, Jeff had a dentist appointment to have the sutures removed from when he had a wisdom tooth extracted last week. That didn't go so well. He was told that he likely needs surgery to shave down part of his mandible in order to avoid infection. His bone apparently grew faster than his gums did, leaving the bone exposed and vulnerable (oh the metaphor available here!). He was given antibiotics and an immediate consultation with an oral surgeon.

I haven't spoken to him since, so I'm still operating (harhar) under the assumption that he'll have to have surgery.

We cannot afford this.

There are no oral surgeons who are in our dental insurance's network in this county; the closest is 45 minutes away and isn't a realistic option for his care. He's decided to take the antibiotics, consult with a professor of his who has been an oral/facial reconstructive surgeon for decades regarding the necessity of the procedure and who the professor would recommend, and get at least one additional opinion from another in-network dentist.

It took a lot for me not to start crying at my desk. I guess at least with the cats in the house, I can use them as an excuse. Poor girls.